Conversation Skills

5 Steps To Rapport

Stage 1 - Setting the Stage
Being able to walk into a gathering of people, and not become invisible, is a skill. Our goal is to actually draw attention to your self, in a positive way. By being noticed, people get used to your presence. The best way is to be seen chatting and smiling with a friend. Don't worry about the type of group, single or married, just practice on people. Stand or sit in a socially open position, look around at people and smile. Find a light and interesting subject and discuss it loudly enough for others to overhear. Remember, you are just warming up the crowd.

Stage 2 - Introduction
Say "hi" in a lighthearted, non-threatening way. Be careful not to romanticize people (create important relationships possibilities in your imagination)…it's irrational and creates stress. Literally, all you can do with a stranger is get to know him a little. Don't let your imagination run away with you and make you nervous.

Stage 3 - Follow-up
After you make the first auditory connection, the stress on everyone can be very high. At this stage your job is to reassure the person that you are safe and fun. Launch yourself upon a brief journey of ritual talk (usually about whatever you have in common such as the surroundings, purpose for being there, etc.) . Start by making disclosure statements and then ask for a response on the same subject. Practice different lines on people, watch how they react. If they respond well (laugh, reply, engage, etc.) take note and try them again later. Ultimately you will develop a set of ritual talk, short personal stories and transitions that will make you fascinating.

Stage 4 - Interpersonal Exchange
This is where we actually get to know each other. Go from the general to the specific, from the impersonal to the personal, from the thinking to the feeling. (For example, "the weather is rainy" to "I feel rainy days like this are comforting." Offer information about yourself, and then ask for information back. Practice shifting to more personal disclosure modes (lower voice tone, slow speech speed, lean forward, use hand-to-heart gesture) and asking reciprocal open-ended questions. Avoid closed ended questions that can be answered with a yes or no.

Stage 5 - Invitation
If you have done Stage 4 well, you know him/her well enough to know if you want to get better acquainted. First, offer a compliment; i.e. "I have really enjoyed talking with you." Next, suggest that it would be fun do this again, (talk some more or whatever some more), make a safe invitation (get together in a public place), pause and follow through with "just for fun!"