Questions From Women

Beatrice asks..."I have a hard time:

A. flirting with a man I not interested in,
B. telling him that I only want "to be friends" (when I'm not interested) and
C. building a "friendship" with a man I am attracted to...any suggestions?

Richard suggests...

Wow! Most people have trouble in one place or another, but all three?
OK, there are three big questions here.

Problem A. Trouble flirting with uninteresting men

Don't try to flirt with A man you are NOT interested in...flirt with ALL men until you find A MAN YOU ARE interested in. Then shift from general flirting to targeted flirting. (Of course, in class we practice both types. If anyone takes it personally, good for you. You're do it right. See B. below for next step.)

General flirting is like a flower spreading pollen into the wind. We do that when we're ready to make friends and/or lovers. Once you find a guy with potential, focus your courtship gesturing specifically on him!

If you're saying that you find it hard to make general courtship gesturing (spreading your pollen), we can practice that in class.

Problem B: Trouble turning down invitations from uninteresting men

Say, and you can quote me on this, "Thanks, I'm flattered, but I'm very involved with someone right now and spend all my time with him."

Our goal is to become mature, fully functioning social human beings. That means that we are able to send and receive invitations, accept and reject invitations, have our invitations accepted and rejected...all the time.

Whenever you notice someone interesting, be able to make an invitation. When someone finds you interesting, be open and then either accept or reject his invitation. By doing this every day, you will improve the quality of your relationships immensely. Its call high order options decision making. Its a very good thing.

Problem C: Trouble developing a "friendship" with an interesting man

Do you mean that you're banging this guy but are not "friends", or do you mean that you having trouble getting a date with him? There is a big difference, and women very commonly have both these problems.

If you mean that you are sleeping with someone but don't know his name...go back to Step 4 (the Interpersonal Exchange) and practice it on him. If he doesn't respond, quit sleeping with him.

If you mean that when you find someone interesting, you can't get him to ask you out, ask him out! (See How To Ask A Guy Out.) Target your advanced flirting skills on him...if he doesn't respond, he's gay.

How To Ask A Guy Out - Its not hard. Here is a three step strategy.

A. Flirt with him like crazy, if he doesn't ask you out,

B. Give him your card and say "call me sometime", then ask for his card, if that doesn't work,

C. Email him with an invitation like "Someone gave me two tickets to " X ", would you like to go with me?" If he says yes, then go buy two tickets to " X ".

D. If that doesn't work, he really doesn't care for you.

If you've done your homework, you'll have several other guys lined up in your hopper. If you're obsessed with him, then he's really bad for you and will make you miserable. Marry him at once.

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